Life is total chaos

Life is not perfect , it can never be.The moment it looks all sorted, the other moment it shows how wrong you are.So here I am writing my story on how my life became messed up yet beautiful chaos.

Just the three months back when all i was thinking is I have a job , decent paying job. A partner to share food with, *giggle*. Lots of friends to hang out with and settled well in the city I like.What else someone wants to be happy. But still something was lacking to make me happy, inside out. Something I was not able to understand at that moment, something that was making my mind full chaos, something which was taking away my inner peace.

However all this materialistic things which is described as the major factor to be happy , i wanted to leave , leave everything at once and yes the day came when i realised that's not what I want ,something triggered so badly that made be to take decision to leave all this chaos which was banging my head.

I still remember every single details of that day when i left my job for absolutely no good reason and with no backup plans. The only one things i knew was I will definitely do something with my life,something good with my life , No matter what I will survive. And then I tried to break the relationship and failed .And at that time, again i was in chaos that should i be happy or sad as he never give up on me , no matter what. So i decided to skip this part and continued to share my food with him as someone said " love someone who loves you". And then the very next moment I decided to leave the city as well and yes I am leaving it with no plan. 

Now , when i think about the things I did ,the decisions I took is no less then the blunders,this is no less then the chaos I had earlier but there is some kind of stillness in midst of all this chaos. I have no idea where my life is going where my relation is going but still there is certain kind of satisfaction. 

I decided to live in the moment , I decided to do what makes me happy , what makes my heart happy ,most importantly what makes me alive even though my brain knows that's again a blunder I am making, still there is certain kind of comfort in it. At this moment all I want to do is to go with the flow , to embrace the chaos and to live with it.

someday I might get out of all this chaos until then , adios !

Rain kissed

As I got up on this lazy Sunday evening by the soothing sounds, Everything seems so fresh and clean and fluffy. The trees, the street , the aroma, The peaceful and refreshing fragrance. The fragrance when rain hits the dry dirt.Yes,the most acceptable rain,indeed.

The fragrance is so fragile and at its finest that I couldn't stop from going out.. The moment it kissed my head, I just wanted to lose myself forever.  All my pain, sorrows,regrets and worries of yesterday vanished and the happiness doubled in that moment. The cool breeze touched the warmth of my cheeks and I swear I felt like I'm the most beautiful person on earth. Everything looks so beautiful, it feels like an intimate relation with rain. The feeling is not something I never felt before, but it feels like the first time everytime. Dancing, singing,shouting,running or just sitting quietly in the rain, everything leaves me speechless every time.

I wish I could feel this every day, every min, every sec.I wish I could stop time . Words cannot express my eternal love for rain.

So adios, until i see you again.

They want you OR need you

               This is the topic on which I always had lot to say . On which so many people get confused ,the difference between needing someone and wanting someone. When I analyzed the people around me ,who call themselves as my friends and so called  Relatives then I realized That most of the people need me and not wants me.
                     Needing someone during sadness or crises is human behaviour but needing that person constantly is suffocating.Most of the people confuse NEEDING someone with LOVING them. But both of this terms are not even related. 'Cause when you need someone you lose your independence as you are always reliant on another person.You forget your self existence and feelin' of being alone with your own thought, You always gets dependent on other person..Sometimes people believe that they love someone and that they want them so badly while in fact they just need them because they don't have any other choices or They don't have anyone to stand by them or they are so lonely and which become the need of love and he/she might fall for the first person who makes him/her feel important..In such a case they didn't want the person but they needed them and that's why they fell in love with them..Love always disappear when the need gets over.Needing someone is just like buying the ticket for dependency.

                           But on other hand wanting someone is entirely different. You wants people in your life because they make you smile, they make you happier and time runs away when they are around. When you want someone you don't need them all the time, you don't get dependent on them and can do your work by your own. You don't need them to be, you just want them to be.When you wants someone in your life, you want them there because life is more fun with them by your side. You are complete person without them,but you know that they make you happy. You are pretty much not dependent on them.
            The difference between need and want is the difference between dependency and love. Loving someone and getting dependent on someone is entirely different. And loving someone is much more beautiful and rewarding than leaning on them for all things, 24*7. 
                              I can only speak for myself here,but I definitely don't want a partner who I "need" in my life to survive. Just like I don't want my partner to need me. Because that is not fair at all.!!

                     "Everyone comes in your life for a reason, Those who don't STAY."

In my 20s

I wake up, get ready, get dressed nicely and yes how can I miss clicking selfies when I look good...It seems like it will be a happy day. Like a morning after dark..It's gonna be a bright bright bright sun shiny day after the rain..I promised that I wont let my worries of yesterday and tomorrow ruin my today..I promised I wont let anyone to ruin my day..I promise to be happy,no matter what happens..I am happy now and happier after thinking about all the things I have in life..,Fucking awesome friends, Cool parents, A box full of choclates..Like seriously what else someone wants??? So it will be a good day. I feel like I am one of the most beautiful and intelligent girl,,Ya  i know I m not but still I feel that way..And i am happy about that..And its all started ,the day, not a usual day but a happy day.. :)

I went to office started working . And suddenly in the middle of the day I started thinking...I started thinking about my life, about what I m doing , About staying away for home for no good reason,about my size, about the things i was not able to complete yesterday,about the text I didn't get from some xyz person, about some random shit I did 3 years back..About almost everything which is enough to make me feel worst..I am still smiling from outside,but there is mood swing brewing on the inside..But for how long someone can hold the kaleidoscope of emotions.For how long someone show that they are happy but they are not...In less the five minutes I started feeling bad about almost everything,Even the things which I want so badly also irritating me now.I feel bad about about feeling bad for no reason..,It seems like I m just finding the reason to feel worst..My mind is messed up.I feel like screaming, I feel like crying,  I feel like running, running away from everyone may be i will feel better this way.I burst into tears for no good reason..,not a single reason or may be so many reasons that i am not able to figure out why i m crying...My mood is changing like these goddamn weather of Bengaluru...May be I m homesick, May be having Fucking awesome friends, Cool parents,and the box full of choclates is not enough, May be I care way to much about people..,May be I started expecting from people..,Or most probably may be I am the girl who is in her 20's and its just that shitty hormones...Whatever it is I know that just a good night sleep and tomorrow will again be a bright happy day.!! :)

Just Another Girl

Okay so this is my first blog and i never thought i will ever try to write..I have no idea where to start..

             I am just another girl amongst the others with big dreams ,small lies,broken heart and hope in eyes..,Who smiles on lame jokes,cries over the same things over and over again.., laughs at people, fights for no reason...,Who cares about the small things,who got hurt and acted as if nothing happened, who gets crazy for the things she wants, who eats pizza and is on a diet at the same time, who made big mistakes and hid them ,who fell in love and got cheated, who thinks it is Okay to not tell everything..,who gets lost in her stupid thoughts, who didn't sleep for days and slept for 18 hours in a day, who knows where to stop and how to move on, who hold things and people,who wants to get in and not get in a relationship at the same time, who is waiting for the perfect ending and the perfect beginning..,who imagines things she knows that are never gonna happen, who lives in her own fantasy world, ,who knows that she is not perfect and never will be..
        

                                  

                         But she knows there will be someone somewhere who will embrace the imperfectios.., who will take her out of the fantasy world and take her to his world.., who will give the perfect beginning and the ending to her life..,who will get lost with her in her thoughts..,who will dance with her in the rain.., who will take her sorrows and turn them into joys..,who will do crazy things with her..,who will make her laugh at her worst.., who will make her to live her dreams.., Till the day he comes,let me be "Just Another Girl".!!! :)